In this deeply personal essay, Sam Escobar shares her journey with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and how it manifests in different ways when she is around people she trusts. Despite the counterintuitive nature of her experience, where symptoms intensify rather than diminish, Sam has found strength in acknowledging and addressing these challenges. Her reflections offer insight into the complexities of mental health and the importance of self-awareness in managing compulsions.

Understanding the Paradox of Comfort and Compulsion

Sam's essay explores the unexpected relationship between comfort and the exacerbation of OCD symptoms. When surrounded by loved ones, she finds that her usual coping mechanisms fall away, leading to a heightened expression of compulsive behaviors. This paradox challenges the common assumption that being around supportive individuals should reduce anxiety. Instead, Sam's experience highlights the intricate ways in which emotional safety can sometimes fuel rather than soothe mental health struggles.

The essay delves into the origins of Sam's OCD, tracing back to early childhood compulsions like counting and seeking symmetry. These behaviors became ingrained long before her official diagnosis at 16. Over time, Sam identified specific triggers that go beyond the stereotypical need for neatness, including checking rituals and an overwhelming urge to internalize trivial information. While some aspects of her condition have led to useful skills, such as exceptional memory retention, they also impose significant challenges in daily life. At night, for instance, balancing rituals can disrupt sleep patterns, making cohabitation difficult but manageable with patience.

Building Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Sam discusses the importance of setting boundaries within relationships to manage OCD effectively. Initially, she masked her compulsions to avoid discomfort. However, as trust deepened, so did the intensity of her symptoms. This shift prompted her to reconsider how she interacts with loved ones, particularly her romantic partner. Recognizing that family accommodation—where loved ones inadvertently reinforce compulsions—can hinder progress, Sam made a conscious effort to resist certain behaviors. This decision marked a turning point in her approach to living with OCD.

Early in her current relationship, Sam began resisting compulsions without discussing them openly. It was a challenging process, as acknowledging the issue could make the compulsions feel more urgent. Eventually, she confided in her partner about her struggles and requested his support in not indulging her compulsions. Though progress has been gradual, each small victory feels significant. Sam now understands that healthy relationships play a crucial role in her mental well-being. Acceptance, rather than cure, has become her guiding principle, and she expresses gratitude for finally walking this path toward peace.