A parent's experience of receiving a call from the school about their child’s behavior can be both surprising and humbling. In this essay, Kris Ann Valdez shares her journey after learning that her first-grade daughter had been excluding a classmate during school activities. Initially feeling embarrassed, Valdez and her husband took this opportunity to reflect on their parenting methods and the broader implications of childhood social dynamics. They discovered that while they could influence their daughter's actions, they couldn't control them entirely. Through open conversations and understanding, they helped their daughter navigate these challenges, fostering better communication and empathy.

Valdez recounts the moment when the school dean invited her and her husband for a meeting regarding their daughter's interactions with a classmate. The revelation that their young daughter consistently excluded another girl from group activities came as a shock. Every time the other girl attempted to join their daughter at lunch, she would move to a different table. This behavior left Valdez and her husband deeply concerned. They had always emphasized kindness and empathy at home, sharing personal experiences of bullying to teach their daughter the importance of compassion. Yet, despite these efforts, their daughter's actions at school told a different story.

The parents felt a mix of embarrassment and concern. They wondered if their teachings were falling short or if there was something more complex at play. Valdez sought insights from professionals, learning that children often exhibit behaviors driven by their developmental stage. Jillian Amodio, a licensed social worker, explained that children are naturally self-centered, which can sometimes lead to actions deemed inappropriate by adults. Patty Johnson, a clinical psychologist, added that children lack the foresight to consider long-term consequences, focusing instead on immediate incidents. This realization helped Valdez understand that her daughter's behavior was not necessarily a reflection of poor parenting but rather a part of growing up.

Valdez also uncovered layers of complexity in her daughter's social interactions. Her daughter defended her actions by explaining that she was influenced by her peers, often reacting to what others suggested. Recognizing this, Valdez and her husband engaged in ongoing discussions with their daughter, creating a safe space for her to express her feelings and thoughts. Over time, they noticed positive changes in her attitude. When she began including the classmate in school activities, the family celebrated her newfound thoughtfulness. Eventually, the once-excluded girl became a top invitee to their daughter's birthday party.

In reflecting on this experience, Valdez emphasizes the importance of providing children with a supportive environment where they feel safe discussing their social challenges. Instead of viewing her daughter's behavior as a character flaw, Valdez chose to see it as an opportunity for growth. Through patience and understanding, they strengthened their parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for better trust and communication. While the situation was initially difficult, it ultimately led to valuable lessons for both the parents and their daughter.