A recent investigation into parental favoritism has revealed that parents often show preference for their eldest daughters. This phenomenon, while seemingly beneficial for the favored child, can have significant and sometimes negative impacts on both the favorite and less-favored siblings. The study, which analyzed data from thousands of participants, highlights how birth order, gender, and personality traits influence this dynamic. Researchers found that eldest daughters are often seen as more responsible and developmentally capable, leading to greater parental investment. However, this favoritism can result in increased pressure, resentment, and even burnout for the eldest daughter, while less-favored children may face challenges such as defiance and emotional neglect.

The Roots of Parental Favoritism

Understanding why parents tend to favor their eldest daughters involves examining the unique attributes these children possess. Parents often perceive eldest daughters as more mature and responsible, making them natural candidates for additional responsibilities within the family. This perception is not solely based on age but also on the inherent qualities that eldest daughters exhibit, such as emotional expressiveness and empathy. These traits make it easier for parents to bond with their eldest daughters, leading to a stronger connection and, consequently, favoritism.

Research suggests that eldest daughters may be favored because they tend to have better self-regulation skills, meaning they can manage tasks and emotions more effectively than their younger siblings. Additionally, cultural norms play a role in shaping this favoritism. In many societies, girls are socialized to be nurturing and empathetic, qualities that make them more likable and easier to parent. As a result, parents may unconsciously invest more time and resources in their eldest daughters, seeing them as key contributors to household stability. This preferential treatment can manifest in various ways, from granting more autonomy to assigning more responsibilities, which can further deepen the bond between parents and their eldest daughters.

The Hidden Costs of Being the Favorite

While being the favorite might seem advantageous, it comes with its own set of challenges. Eldest daughters who experience favoritism often face heightened expectations and pressure to excel. Over time, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and tension within the family. Annie Wright, a therapist and eldest of six, notes that eldest daughters often struggle with people-pleasing and an overwhelming sense of responsibility. This burden can extend into adulthood, where eldest daughters may find themselves taking on caretaker roles, sacrificing personal ambitions for the well-being of others.

The pressure to meet parental expectations can also result in burnout and workaholism. For instance, Wright recalls working 80-hour weeks while missing out on precious moments with her own daughter. This pattern of overcommitment can hinder personal growth and independence, leaving eldest daughters feeling unfulfilled. Moreover, the favoritism dynamic can create a divide among siblings, where less-favored children may feel neglected or unsupported. Dr. Michelle Janning, a sociology professor, points out that while society encourages women to pursue their ambitions, there remains a conflicting expectation for them to prioritize caregiving. Balancing these two roles can be challenging, and without proper guidance, eldest daughters may struggle to navigate these competing demands.