Navigating the Ambivalence of Parenthood
Personal Ramifications and Public Conversations
The book "What Are Children For?" emerged from conversations between Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman in their late 20s and early 30s. They were struck by the shallowness of public conversations about the role of children and decided to explore this topic further. Their short article "On Choosing Life" focused on the satisfactions found in the discourse around climate change and its impact on having kids. The public response was enthusiastic, leading them to write a book that delved deeper into the sources of ambivalence and ethical considerations.Berg argues that while the question of having children is often seen as a political one, there are two aspects that transcend politics. Firstly, it is about shaping one's personal life, and secondly, it is a deep philosophical and ethical question about the value of human life in the present and future. Leftists, who are committed to various causes such as climate change and social reform, should recognize the importance of considering the role of children in human life without being labeled as conservative.
Progress and the Role of Motherhood
There is a view that the declining number of kids represents progress for women, freeing them from the traditional vision of a good life. However, Berg emphasizes that this is not the whole story. Women and men face difficulties in navigating the decision to have children, and the role of motherhood is a complex issue. In liberal and progressive circles, there is a growing understanding that men should share domestic labor, but there is a taboo around men considering the decision to have children. This leads to frustration among women and a lack of open dialogue.Berg's focus is not on the objective decline in birth rates but on the individual's struggle to think through the question of child-rearing. She believes that there is a growing population that finds it hard to navigate this decision, and her book aims to provide a space for dialogue and exploration.
Economic Reasoning and the Standard of Readiness
Economic reasoning plays a significant role in people's decisions about having children. However, Berg points out that often, people are more worried about meeting a standard of readiness rather than actual affordability. Millennials, in particular, are often seen as immature, but Berg argues that they hold themselves to high standards of maturity and success, which leads them to postpone having children. This self-evidence of postponement is not just about having kids but also about even considering having them.People are starting to think about children late in life, and as a result, the decision about whether or not to have children is often made for them rather than by them. Berg is concerned about this because it leads to frustration and a lack of agency in making such a significant life decision.
Surveys and Cultural Messaging
The authors conducted wide-ranging research, including written surveys and in-depth interviews with educated, middle- and upper-middle-class Americans who leaned to the left. They also looked at social studies data, motherhood-ambivalence literary genre, and climate fiction to understand the growing ambivalence about having children.Cultural messaging also plays a role in shaping people's attitudes towards motherhood. Popular films and media often depict women in various roles but rarely as mothers. This sends a message that there is a conflict between self-fulfillment and motherhood. Additionally, unexpected pregnancies in age-defining shows like "Friends" and "Girls" reflect a cultural fantasy of having a decision made for them.
Pew Poll and the Changing Narrative
A Pew poll showed that adults over 50 were more likely to say they never had kids because it just never happened, while those under 50 were more likely to express specific concerns or a lack of desire. This indicates a shift in attitudes and a growing embrace of other priorities. Berg sees this as a sign of the changing landscape of life choices and the need to reevaluate the way we think about having children.The bit that seems bad is when ambivalence becomes debilitating, where people feel unsure about raising the question with their partners or navigating the decision. Berg hopes to provide a space for people to work through their ambivalence and consider the larger implications of their choices.
Climate Change and the Decision to Have Kids
Climate change is often cited as a reason for people's ambivalence about having children. Some see it as a valid concern, while others may be using it as a cover for their underlying ambivalence. Berg argues that while climate change is an important issue, it is not currently a significant driver of personal decisions about having kids. People who are leaning towards having children see it as an opportunity to raise environmentally responsible individuals, while those against it use it as a reason not to have children.Ultimately, Berg believes that the decision to have children is a complex one that cannot be reduced to rational calculations. It involves personal values, ethical considerations, and a sense of contributing to the future. Her book aims to help people navigate this ambivalence and make choices that are meaningful to them.
Transformative Experiences and Parenthood
LA Paul's work on transformative experiences challenges the idea of rational cost-benefit analysis in parenting. Motherhood is often seen as a transformative experience that can change a person's preferences and identities. However, Berg argues that this view is often sexist and that fatherhood can also be a transformative experience. She shares her own experience of motherhood, which was not a rupture but a gradual transformation over time.She emphasizes that while parenting can be a transformative experience, it is not a necessary one. People should be open to the long-term potential of entering into such a significant relationship and not be overly influenced by the narrative of complete transformation.
The Enduring Impact of Parenting
After reading the book, people are confronted with the question of how they will contribute to the future. Berg hopes that the book helps them recover a sense of perspective and consider the larger implications of their choices. While having children involves risks and challenges, it also offers the opportunity to make a meaningful contribution to humanity.Berg acknowledges that a single book cannot change a person's life or provide a clear decision procedure. Each person's journey is unique, and the decision to have children is a deeply personal one. However, she believes that by raising these questions and providing different perspectives, the book can help people engage more fully with the decision and consider the wider implications.